Eternals (2021)

 

Director: Chloé Zhao. Cast: Gemma Chan, Richard Madden, Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, Kit Harington, Kumail Nanjiani. 157 min. Fantasy/Action.

• My god, this movie is 2 hours and 37 minutes long - about superheroes whom we're introduced to for the very first time. And because of not one but two pivotal post-credits scenes, we're stuck watching all the way down to the very last name and acknowledgment. It just goes on forever.
• The reason is ... we have the Fast and Furious phenomenon again: to prove adherence to diversity (but in actuality, to rake in more money from all audiences in America), we're forced to become familiarized with 10 (no less) superheroes that cater to as many minorities possible, in one movie: Asian-American, Latino-American, Indian-American, African-American, hearing-impaired, LGBTQ, non-binary, and mentally-ill (I kid you not). The only ones they left out were the Cuban-Americans, the green color-blinds, and the Senegalese - but if there was any chance of economic gain, they would've found a place for them in the story too. When a movie is handled as such, you become seriously suspicious what the source material was even about.
• And maybe if they had handed this to more able directors, to handle all these characters in one epic-scale crowded movie (the way the Russo Brothers professionally did with the last two Avengers movies), it would've worked. But no, they give it to Chloe Zhao, who recently won Oscars for directing an indie-type movie, Nomadland - an entirely different realm of filmmaking. That's how Hollywood corrupts bright new talent.
• The result is a boing, overlong movie with a choppy confusing screenplay full of flashbacks - with a long mid-movie section where the once disbanded group of heroes go out to recruit every single one of the band, and you keep asking: Is there anyone left? Please tell me that was the last one, and they're all back together again ... but then there's more. 
• And of course, surprise surprise, there's the obligatory massive special-effects-driven climactic battle at the end, and you've entirely lost interest by then because you know these are a bunch of superheroes with ten different kinds of superpowers unknown to you and any of the powers can work or not work at any time and new ones can spring up at any time because who are you to have a say in this anyway?
• God this movie is 2 hours and 37 minutes long ...

MoGo's rating: 4/10

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